Royally Screwed
by TragicMagic14
Summary: So I was cross-dressing as a guy in tights; meanwhile living in the same dorm as my year-long, one-sided crush and a bunch of nosy, superhuman fighting-machines, who will no doubt figure my secret out eventually. And when they do, I'm royally screwed. ZxL Zelda POV rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

**Okey-dokey. For those who have read my other story, I am still writing it and keeping it going, but I had some random inspiration for this story and HAD to write it. It's mostly going to be sort of a side project, something light-hearted and humorous and I probably won't really pay too much attention to it… yeah, sorry I'm rambling.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1 **

Last year, there was this _small_ little incident that _may _have resulted with Headmaster Hand's office exploding. It really wasn't mine or Samus' fault, and Headmaster Hand blew the whole situation way out of proportion. I mean, he made it seem like Sam _meant _to throw one of her bombs in his office, or that I _meant _to lose control of my Din's fire and set it off. Nayru, we're not _that _bad! It was a tiny little accident that could've happened to anyone really, if they'd had the terrible luck the two of us had.

As punishment, both Sam and I were banned from the Smash Mansion for an entire year, which sucked considering we would be learning a new technique this year called 'Final Smash'. It was supposed to be the most powerful move, like… _ever._ And thanks to this unfortunate occurrence, now Samus and I are going to miss out.

The worst part was; we had even offered to pay for the damages, but Headmaster was all like "_Nope. What lesson will you learn if you just buy your way out of your problems?_" Peach had even got down on her knees and _begged_ for him to lift the punishment – probably partly because she would miss us, and partly because she didn't want to be the last remaining female there with a figure – and the stubborn… um, floating hand, _still_ refused.

So the three of us hatched a plan to get Sam and I back into the Smash Mansion this year. It was awkward, difficult and risky, but worth it.

This year, Samus and I wouldn't be entering the SmashMansion as Samus and Zelda, or even as girls. This year, I would be a Shiekah boy named Sheik and Samus would be a male bounty hunter named Samuel. The creative names were courtesy of Peach; Sam and I went along with it for lack of any better ideas.

"Sheik" was supposed to be an assassin in "Zelda's" army that she sent here for better training. "Samuel" was "Samus'" long-lost brother that she was recently reunited with. "Samus" had allowed him to take her place at the SmashMansion for the year. "Sheik" and "Samuel" had met through "Samus" and "Zelda's" friendship and had become friends as well.

I would wear a traditional Sheikian garb, which luckily covered most of the face and the entire body, and use a spell to change my voice. Samus had recently gotten this new power suit that covered her whole face and body, which also had the bonus of a built-in voice-change… thingy. The two of us were able to snag a room together in the boys' dorm, so luckily we would be able to sleep as… well, as _girls_. Good thing too, because something tells me sleeping with enough layers to suffocate a moblin wouldn't be a fun experience for anyone, let alone _me_.

We had thought through our little scheme quite thoroughly, if I do say so myself. See, if anyone asks me why I always wear the suit, I tell them it's a Shiekian tradition; if anyone asks Samus, she says something about a bounty hunter's pride and whatnot.

The plan could work, I mean, it could _really_ work. My main concern was the fact that Link would also be there, and much like everyone else besides Samus and Peach, he didn't know that I was Shiek. The problem was, we've been friends for years, and I'm afraid he'll only have to look at me once to recognize his friend Zelda immediately.

But, it wasn't only the possibility of being found out that worried me. Lately, I've sort of developed a teeny-tiny, little, itty-bitty sort of colossal crush on Link. I mean, we've known each other since I was fourteen, when I first came to the Smash Mansion. Since we were the only two Hylains there, naturally we became friends. At first, I'd only seen him as my best friend, but last year he saved all of Hyrule from Ganondorf and perpetual twilight; and it was… cool. After that, it was like I was really seeing my friend for the first time. I'd finally noticed how cool, sweet, caring, kind, brave, funny, and handsome my best friend was. Now every time he touches me, smiles at me, or does anything even remotely adorable – which he pretty much does all the time – I blush like there's no tomorrow.

I couldn't even think about how much more careful I'd have to be around him now that I was a 'guy'.

Samus, Peach and I all stood in front of the Smash Mansion, Sam and I lugging our bags behind us.

Peach was currently adjusting my head scarf for about the fiftieth time today. She'd probably be obsessing about Samus' disguise too had she actually been able to, you know, actually _adjust_ anything on it.

"Peach," I swatted her hands away with my free hand. "My scarf is fine. Leave it alone."

Peach's already big blue eyes widened larger and she slapped a gloved hand over her mouth. "Oh! Sorry Zellie! I'm just, I don't know… I'm nervous." Her bottom lip quivered. "What if you guys get caught and you're banned for, like, forever? I'll die without you two!"

"Peach," Samus sighed through her suit. "We'll be extra careful. We don't want to get caught anymore than you want us caught."

"Pinkie swear?" Peach asked, holding out her dainty pinkie.

Sometimes Peach could act like such a kid, but I suppose that's part of her charm.

"Pinkie swear." Samus and I said in unison, somehow managing to curl both our pinkies with Peach's.

Peach sighed dramatically and turned her gaze to the mansion looming in front of us. "It's going to be _so_ boring without you in the girls' dorm! I mean, sure I'll have Nana and Jigglypuff, but Nana's only eight and Jigglypuff only ever says her name." She turned to us, her eyes wide. "Who will I talk to about boys and girl stuff like that?"

"Ahem, _Peach_," Samus crossed her arms and furrowed her brow in annoyance. "When in hell was I _ever_ willing to talk about that?"

Peach ignored the question and sent me a nervous look.

"You can still talk to me," I said, sending her a smile she couldn't see because of the headscarf. "But we have to be really careful about where and when."

Peach nodded slowly, letting the information sink in. "Okay."

"Well, we should go now." Samus said, taking a step towards the Smash mansion.

I grabbed her arm and held her back. "Have you turned on the voice changer machine… thing?"

"Oh, good call Zel. I forgot about that." Samus said, pressing away at the buttons on her suit's gauntlets.

I nodded and began to cast the spell that changed my own voice.

We turned back to one another testing our new 'man' voices.

"Testing, testing… one, two, three." I drawled, wincing at the slight difference in my voice. "Dear Din, it really hasn't changed much, has it?"

Samus waved her hand dismissively. "If anyone asks, just say you're fifteen instead of seventeen. They'll just assume you're a late-bloomer."

Samus' voice came out sounding deep and sort of mechanical-like, but that could be easily covered-up by saying that's the way her voice filtered through the suit.

I, on the other hand, sounded like a pre-adolescent boy who had recently been kicked really hard in the crotch.

* * *

When Samus and I walked through the door, I could already see there was a huge contrast between the boys' and girls' dorms besides the number of people staying in them. Though the layouts of the lounges were identical, the boys' lounge was a lot dirtier and worn-out, also the place smelled like a mixture of Axe body-spray and stale pizza. Not only that, but it was _loud._

In the snack bar, Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong were wrestling over a banana while Fox, Falco and Wolf were practicing shooting empty soda cans with their lasers. Mario and Luigi were sitting at the snack bar's table, having a heated debate on whether red was indeed better than green, while Lucario and Mewtwo were having their own quiet conversation at the other end of the table. In the entertainment area of the lounge; Ike, Marth, Roy and Link were playing some video game that featured woman in skimpy clothing with freakishly large breasts fighting. Cheering them on unnecessarily loudly was Pit, Popo, Ness and Lucas. Everyone else was probably practicing in the arena or in their rooms.

"Let's just go to our room, Sam." I said in a voice low enough that only she could hear.

Samus nodded and we stepped out of the doorway.

"Hey, Samus' and Zelda's replacements are here!" Pit exclaimed from the couch.

Suddenly every eye in the room was on us.

"Shit." I heard Samus curse under her breath.

I too was cursing profanities as Pikachu trotted over to me and started sniffing my legs.

"Pik pik pika!" He cried. "Pika pi!"

Pikachu had probably recognized my scent; thankfully no one spoke Pikachu around here.

"Red, do you have a clue what he just said?" Fox asked, shooting the pokemon trainer a puzzled look.

Red, who was standing at the stairs the led to the dorm rooms, shook his head and shrugged, "Not even a little."

Pikachu stopped inspecting me and proceeded to sniff Samus' boots, but she kicked him away and he scurried behind Red's legs, quivering.

"Aw man," Falco complained, eyeing Samus and I. "I thought the replacements would at least be chicks. The male-to-female ratio is even worse now."

A few people actually nodded in agreement.

"Uh," I said, fiddling with my hands and fighting the strong urge to roll my eyes. "It's um, nice to meet you all. But we'd like to go to our room, so… yeah." I finished lamely.

"You know you don't have to wear your battle gear here, right?" Ness asked as if I'd never said anything.

"Yes, we know!" Samus threw back, annoyance evident in her voice.

"Well, you're wearing them." Lucas pointed out as though we hadn't noticed.

"We have our reasons, okay?" I snapped, getting vaguely annoyed myself.

"Your voice sounds weird." Popo piped up as he slid from his spot on the couch, and padded over to me.

"Puberty isn't pretty, kid." Samus told him, probably rolling her eyes, though I couldn't tell through her tinted visor.

Popo stared at me for a moment with round, frightened eyes, stumbling away from me as if puberty was a highly infectious rash.

I sighed and adjusted my grip on my bags. "Look, can we talk later? We just want to get to our room, okay?"

After a few moments of staring, everyone's interest in the newcomers faded and they went back to whatever they were doing before we showed up.

Samus and I let out the breath we'd been holding, and made our way upstairs.

We'd just found our room when a blue blur raced past us, nearly knocking the two of us over.

_Sonic. _I thought as I regained my balance our room's door.

"Bastard!" Samus shouted after him. "You could've hurt someone! Try walking at a normal pace for once in your damned life!"

"You're too slow!" Sonic taunted from the end of the hall.

"What was that?" Samus snapped, stepping toward the hedgehog threateningly. "Come here you little—!"

"Sam," I sighed, grabbing my room key from my pocket. "Let it go. We can't risk attracting anymore unwanted attention."

Samus stopped yelling, but still fumed quietly to herself.

I turned the key and pulled the door open.

Our unused room thankfully didn't share the same stench as the rest of the dorm, it did however, smell of stale air and was covered in a thick layer of dust.

"Glad they take such good care of the unused rooms." Samus commented, closing the door after herself.

She pressed a button on her gauntlet and her visor flicked up, revealing her face.

I pulled down my headscarf and messaged my temples stressfully. "Ugh. This year will be a long one. But it'll all be worth it once we learn the final smash."

"Let's just unpack, and head over to the girls' dorm so that we don't have to use those damn fake voices." Samus suggested, having already opened her bags and started unpacking.

"Yeah." I agreed, unzipping my own bags. "The sooner I don't have to sound like a pubescent teenage boy, the better."

Samus cracked up and pulled open her closet, stuffing her many one-piece suits onto different, multicoloured hangers.

Within minutes, we were fully unpacked and ready to head over to the girls' dorm.

Unfortunately, as soon as we stepped down the stairs into the lounge again, the room went dead silent and everyone watched us with masks of curiosity.

_Dear Goddess this is creepy._ I thought while trying to subtly pick up speed toward the door.

We had almost made it to the door, when I felt Wolf (Judging by the claws that dug into my upper-arms) grab me roughly by the shoulders, and stick his snout onto my head with a big shuddering sniff.

On the outside, I remained calm, but on the inside all I could think was: _Ew! Slobber! On my head! _

"Hey Link," Wolf said, jerking his head toward Link, who had joined Mario and Luigi's debate at the snack bar. "This guy smells like your princess. Think she's cheating on you with this scrawny kid?"

My face flushed as there were a few collective _'ohh'_s.

I pulled away from him and straightened my posture, attempting to muster the molecule of dignity I had left.

"Wonder if the scent is _all over_?" Ike mused unhelpfully, standing up from the couch and strolling over to me.

"No!" I denied quickly. "She hugged me before I left. We're… uh, just friends."

"With benefits." Roy added, causing everyone to erupt in laughter.

My face burned. _Come on, Zelda! Think! You're wisdom, remember? _

"Leave the poor guy alone, would you?" A familiar voice said from behind me.

Link stood behind me, running a hand through his straw-coloured hair and looking vaguely irritated.

"Come on, we were just messing around with the newbies." Ike protested as he attempted to wrap an arm around my shoulders, which I swiftly dodged.

"You know if Zelda heard about any of this she'd fry your ass with Din's fire, right?" Link continued, raising an eyebrow at the offending bunch. "You also know I'll feel no regret to inform her of the things you've been saying in her absence."

A few people looked a bit scared, which was satisfying to see.

"You're no fun." Roy called from the couch with a very unmanly pout.

"I thought you would've figured that out a while ago." Link said with a shrug.

I let out a sigh of relief, shooting my friend – though he didn't actually _know_ I was his friend – a grateful look which he caught, and returned with a crooked smile.

I was really glad I had my headscarf on to cover the crimson blush that crept onto my face.

"So it really doesn't bother you that Zelda's messing around with another guy?" Falco asked from behind the fridge's doors in the snack bar.

"Zelda's free to be with whoever she wants." Link replied coolly.

I felt my face fall, though luckily, no one could see it. _He really doesn't consider me anything more than a friend, huh?_

"Because you were friend-zoned?" Ike asked, smirking.

_What are they talking about? _I wondered, frowning. _I never friend-zoned Link! I'd give anything to be _out_ of the friend-zone with him!_

"Not as bad as you were with Samus."

I almost whistled out of sheer admiration for my best friend. That _really_ was a below-the-belt insult.

Last year; Ike and Sam were getting along really well, it was no surprise when he asked her out. Samus flat-out rejected him, telling him she wasn't interested in dating at all and wanted to remain friends. That, of course, was a huge blow to both his pride and ego. Bringing that up again was the equivalent of hugging a redead; most likely fatal.

I watched as the two swordsmen, who were usually good friends, glared at each other like they wanted nothing more than to hack and slice one another to bits.

I felt something nudge me, and I jumped, snapping out of my stupor. I turned to find Samus subtly gesturing to the door. I nodded and both of us slipped out of the lounge while Ike and Link started a heated argument.

Safely in the vacant main lobby of the Smash Mansion, Samus and I leaned up against the nearest wall and slid down it and onto the floor.

"That was way too close for comfort." Samus muttered, letting the back of her helmeted head bang against the wall.

"Tell me about it." I agreed, squeezing my eyes closed and letting my head droop forward. "I really, _really _hope we can pull this off, Sam."

"Those bastards should just mind their own business." Samus seethed. "I mean, where do they get off treating the newbies like that?"

"For the record, not all of us are bastards." Another voice said.

My eyes shot open and my head snapped up with enough force to give myself whiplash.

Leaning up against the closed door to the boys' dorm, stood Link, smirking crookedly at us. He pushed off the door and walked over to Samus and I, crouching in front of me and fixing me with his dark blue gaze.

"Sorry about before," He said earnestly. "They're not usually like that. You'll have to excuse the somewhat temporary idiocy," He paused. "…though Roy's really always an idiot, so you _will_ have to put up with that all year. But other than him, you won't have to worry about anymore stupidity."

I blushed. He was so close!

"Oh." I replied dumbly, my thoughts all jumbled from his closeness.

Link gave me a funny look as he stood, but his face quickly morphed back into it's former cute smile. "Oh, and friendly tip: you should show your faces to everyone. The fact that they're curious has to do with the fact that they acted like assholes."

"We—!" I began, still a bit tongue-tied.

"Can't." Samus finished for me. "For personal reasons."

Link shrugged. "Do what you want, but things would be substantially easier for you if you did."

"We'll… um, be fine." I added breathlessly.

He flashed that adorable crooked smile of his. "If you say so." He said, before disappearing back into the boy's dorm.

I couldn't help it; I sighed dreamily.

Samus must have heard me sigh, because she elbowed me in the arm, harshly snapping me back to reality.

"Wha?" I mumbled intelligently.

Samus sighed. "Zel, I know you like him a lot, but you can't prance around all dreamy-eyed and shit." She placed a metal-encased hand on my arm. "That will defintely attract attention."

I nodded, eyes downcast. "I know." I breathed woefully, rethinking my current situation.

So I was cross-dressing as a guy in tights; meanwhile living in the same dorm as my year-long, one-sided crush and a bunch of nosy, superhuman fighting-machines, who will no doubt figure my secret out eventually. And when they do, I'm royally screwed.

It's official: my life sucks.

* * *

**You like? hows about you tell me in a review? :)**

**Oh, and if you're wondering why Link doesn't know Zelda's Sheik, it's cuz they're both from Twilight Princess (You know, like the brawl versions) where Sheik doesn't technically exist. As for Samus, for the purposes of this fic, I made it so that she was always Zero-Suit Samus before; it's still her regular power suit... if that makes sense.**

**Fun Fact: this is loosely inspired by that movie "She's The Man", but ****_very_**** loosely.**


	2. Chapter 2

**When I started writing this chapter, it was still hot out… but yeah… -.- that was kinda months ago. I really hope the long wait didn't lose me any readers… sorry**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"So. _HOT!_" Samus moaned, her bare feet hanging off the top bunk of our bed.

I watched her feet dangle and contemplated whether I should remind her, once again, that she shouldn't speak so loudly without her voice changer on. It was too hot to be rational, so kept my thoughts to myself and let out my own moan.

"Don't they own an air conditioner?"

"If they do, I will kill them for not turning it on. Cheap bastards." Samus grumbled.

Today was possibly the hottest day we've had all year, and for some evil reason, there was no air conditioner running. Of course, this wasn't much of a problem for anyone else, since _they _could dress however they liked; _they_ didn't need to worry about concealing their genders. So Samus and I were stuck sitting in our room, sweating like pigs and unable to do anything about it. Oh joy.

I sat up. "Hey, Sam," I began, a blatantly obvious idea suddenly forming in my head. "Why don't we get on our disguises and go to the Girls' wing where we _know _its air conditioned?"

Samus was silent for a moment.

"Well Zel, I'm not sure whether to deem you a genius or myself a bimbo." Samus finally replied, sounding impressed.

"Though we may die of heat stroke on the way there…" I mused, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "I still think I'm willing to chance it."

"Suppose I can handle a few minutes of being a human sardine. Anything to get out of this damned room!" Samus agreed, sliding smoothly from her perch on the top bunk.

I cocked my head in confusion at the word 'sardine'.

Samus sighed at my puzzled look. "It's a fish. You know? Swims in water?"

I held up a hand. "I know what a _fish _is." I huffed. "We just don't have those types in Hyrule."

"Hmph. Right." Samus replied, strolling over to her closet. She pulled it open and pulled out the individual pieces of her power-suit.

I decided to ignore her and strut over to the dresser, yanking open the drawer that contained my Sheikah outfit. "Won't this be fun?" I asked sarcastically, while pulling out the endless layers of the suit.

"Like pulling teeth." Samus replied, staring down at the pile of metal at her feet.

I sighed and folded the thick fabrics over my arm. "Well, let's get this over with."

* * *

Samus and I slipped into the hall noiselessly, now clad in our sweaty suits.

"Okay," I whispered. "So we try to sneak by unnoticed. If that fails, simply play it off depending on the situation, got it?"

Samus nodded curtly. "Gotcha."

So, the two of us crept down the hall, pausing at every creak that sounded under our feet.

I stopped at the little staircase that led into the lounge, panic rising in my chest when I heard multiple voices complaining about the heat. I turned to Samus, ready to abort the mission, when a blue blur slammed into both us, and sent us tumbling down the stairs.

"DAMN IT SONIC!" Samus screamed after the blue hedgehog. "DAMN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU DAMN IDIOT HEDGEHOG! I WILL BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR USELESS LIFE!"

"Sam!" I hissed, in a pointless attempt to shut her up. "Sam! Stop!" But she was on fire and had no intention of cooling.

"YOU STUPID ASSHOLE! I'LL KILL YOU! MARK MY WORDS, YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? _DEAD!_"

"Sam!" I grabbed her shaking fist, roughly this time.

Samus turned to me, the threats dying on her lips as she realized we had totally been found out. She pressed her hand to her mouth piece. "Oops."

"Little late for 'oops', Sam." I muttered.

I looked up to find the entire room had gone dead silent, and was staring at us with curious gazes. I felt my face turn bright red, and narrowed my eyes at my shoes; which had quickly become the most captivating things in the room.

"Are you guys okay?" A voice asked.

"We're fine!" Samus said hastily, brushing herself off as she stood. "Right Z-uh, Sheik?"

I nodded wordlessly, and tried to stand. Unfortunately, the goddesses are not on my side today, and my ankle was injured when we fell down the stairs. Because of this, I stumble into the closest bystander who, by the way, _wasn't_ Sam. But by the Goddesses, I wished it had been.

"Whoa. Are you alright?" Link asked, steadying me.

I squeaked at the sound of his voice, and stumbled backward against a wall, shoulder blades connecting painfully with the drywall.

He blinked in surprise, as did practically everyone in the room, at my actions.

"S-sorry!" I stammered, eyes darting back and forth for a liable excuse. "Um… you really don't want to touch me; I mean, I'm all sweaty and gross, and I think I'm developing heat rash, ha ha!"

…And I want to repeatedly slap myself for saying that.

Din, I am such a babbling moron! I talked about sweat! I said I had a rash! Goddesses, what's wrong with me?

That's it. The goddesses have my permission to strike me down, right here, right now. Go ahead, do it. I _beg_ of you.

"Yeah," Samus jumped in, bless her soul. "I mean, don't you idiots have any air conditioning?"

"We did," Marth said dryly from the other end of the room. "that is, until Ness and Lucas decided it was a good place to stick their gum." He cut his gaze to the two young boys, who innocently snapped their attention to the lounge TV.

"And now, Master Hand refuses to buy us a new one, since it was the third one we'd broken." Link finished for him.

"Well, isn't that something? Really interesting…" Samus said, wrapping an arm around mine. "Well then, we'll be on our way, won't we, Sheik?"

I nodded mutely, still mortified.

"See ya!" She said cheerfully, tugging me toward the door.

* * *

I lay on Peach's bed, my arm draped over my eyes woefully, as Peach tends to my ankle. I had already changed from that sweaty suit to a spare dress I thank the goddesses I'd decided to bring. Samus was still in the bathroom, trying to fit into one of Peach's outfits, since all she'd brought was bodysuits.

"So what did you do again, Zellie?" Peach asked as she wrapped my ankle up firmly.

I pulled my head out from under my arm. "I was an idiot."

"Don't be so hard on yourself!" Peach scolded, giving my shoulder a pat. "It couldn't have been _that _bad."

"Oh really?" I sat up. "First I fell down the stairs, then I told him I was sweaty and gross! And _then_, I stupidly said I had a rash. A rash! I don't even have one, so don't ask where in sacred realm I got that from! Do tell however, if it gets any worse than that, because I can't think of any way that it possibly could!"

Peach bit her lip, probably silently admitting to herself that it really didn't get much, if any, worse than that. "Uh, don't fret now, Zellie! It's really no big deal! I bet by tomorrow, everyone will forget you even said it." She waved her hand dismissively.

"I see right through that lie, Peach." I said pointedly. "But the attempt was appreciated." I sighed, utterly deflated.

Peach pouted. "Aw, come now Zellie, cheer up!"

"Hey Peach," Samus called from the bathroom. "You don't by chance happen to have any scissors handy, do you?"

Peach bristled. "Sammy, you are _not _cutting up my dress!"

Samus ducked her head out of the bathroom. "I wasn't going to cut _your _dress; I was going to cut _my_ jumpsuit."

"Fine," Peach stood and started digging around in her nightstand. She pulled out a pair of fabric scissors and handed them to Samus. "But I don't trust you with scissors and my dress, so give it back!"

"With pleasure." Samus chucked the dress out of the bathroom door, aiming at Peach's blond head.

"Sammy, you ungrateful little goomba!" Peach huffed, yanking the pink fabric from her head. "You know how many girls would kill for a dress like this?"

"Not me." Sam replied from the other side of the door.

The entire exchange had cheered me up slightly, but thinking about being cheered up reminded me of why I was down in the first place, which depressed me even more.

This of course, did not go unnoticed by Peach.

"Zellie! No more frowning!" She commanded.

I raised a brow at her. "I can't help it. After all, I made a complete and utter moron of myself in front of the one person I _didn't _want to look stupid in front of."

"That's it!" Peach crossed her arms and stomped one pink pump-encased foot. "We're going to Delfino for ice cream therapy!"

Samus walked out of the bathroom and discarded her sleeves and pant legs in the garbage. "I'm game." She tossed the scissors back onto Peach's nightstand and pointed at me. "Besides, you need some perking up."

* * *

Delfino Pier was a large vacation town that sat a measly five minutes on foot from the Smash Mansion. With the relaxed vibes it gave off, the endless supply of fried foods, the colourful street performers and the swaying palm trees; the place was a little slice of paradise.

Unfortunately, it seemed even paradise couldn't cure my notably sour mood.

Peach, Samus and I walked down the busy, cobblestone streets in search of our favourite ice cream place; Delfino Scoops. Though it was clear we stuck out like a sore thumb; between my pointed ears, Peach's flashy tiara and Samus' futuristic bodysuit, the locals paid us no special attention. They'd long ago grown used to Smashers walking around their lively town.

"Ohh, there it is!" Peach exclaimed, gripping my arm and hopping up and down excitedly. "Delfino Scoops! Yay!"

I sometimes envied Peach for her ability to find just about anything exciting.

"You order first Zel," Samus said, placing a calming hand on Peach's jumpy shoulder. "And you relax, Blondie."

Peach frowned. "What do you mean 'Blondie'? We're all blonde!"

We all entered the parlour and approached the guy behind the counter. He was young guy, average-looking, probably around my age.

I leaned onto the counter, but his attention was on Samus, or rather her chest.

Samus noticed and crossed her arms, sending a glare his way.

The boy snapped out of his indecent thoughts and cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed as he turned his attention to me. "Uh, can I take your order?"

This was _so _not helping my mood.

I sighed. "Vanilla soft-serve in a cup."

_So help you if they're out of cups again. _I added silently.

"R-right away, miss!" He stammered, getting to work.

A moment later, I had my ice cream and stalked off to the doorway as my two blond friends ordered and paid. When that was done, we left the ice cream parlour and settled on a bench which overlooked the vast ocean.

"Okay," Samus said between licks. "That guy was totally checking out my boobs. Damn, sometimes I wish I was flat as a brick!" She complained, pointing to her chest.

I snickered. "Trade you." I said, gesturing to my more-than-lacking bust.

Samus snorted and Peach giggled.

"Oh, Zellie!" Peach placed a hand on my shoulder while still snickering. "Worry not! Your boobies have their own unique charm!"

I scoffed. "Sure, under a magnifying glass."

We all exchanged glances and burst into a fit of laughter.

"I knew it!" A triumphant voice yelled from behind us; a triumphant voice we all knew too well. "Girls _do, _in fact, talk about boobs when guys are not around!"

We all turned to find Roy— the source of the voice—, Marth, Ike and Link walking in our direction.

"You guys didn't say you were visiting," Roy complained, gliding up next to the bench on my side. "Why didn't you tell your beau you were coming over to visit, Zel-_da?_" He asked, jerking his head in Link's direction.

I flushed and didn't answer.

"You got just plain vanilla?" Roy suddenly asked, abruptly changing the subject while staring at my half-melted ice cream with a look of distaste. "Jeeze, doesn't take much to satisfy you. No wonder you like Link."

"Bite your tongue, Roy!" Peach scowled at the red-head, and went to stomp on his foot with her pointy heels.

He easily dodged her foot-attack, only to be smacked in the back of the head by Link.

"Shut it, Ginger." He said in that vaguely irritated voice he often used when addressing Roy.

I giggled before I could stop myself and Link sent a grin my way.

"Though I will admit the idiot brought up a pretty good point," He sat down on the end of the bench, right next to me. "Why didn't you tell me that you were dropping by? I might've missed you of we didn't come into town."

"Maybe I planned to surprise you?" I said, feeling the familiar blush that always crept onto my face in his presence.

He raised one golden eyebrow. "With ice cream, I should hope."

I nodded, offering up my bowl. "Forgive me though; it seems to have melted a tad."

Link sighed a deep, theatrical sigh and picked up the plastic spoon. "You're forgiven for your incompetence this time, princess." He took a bite of partially-liquid ice cream. "The only reason I'm letting this slide is because you just so happened to get my favorite flavour." He winked at me. "Don't let it happen again."

I smiled, so glad I could be Zelda around him again. No matter how temporary, it had my spirits soaring.

"Hey Zel," Link suddenly asked, concern seeping into his voice. "What in Din's name happened to your ankle?"

I glanced down and remembered the bandage on my ankle. "Oh. That." I croaked, panic rising in my chest. "U-um, I tripped in the palace dining room. They're still rebuilding it, you know." I laughed nervously. "I'm so clumsy sometimes."

The look Link gave me led me to believe he wasn't quite convinced with my story.

_Please just drop it. Please just drop it. Please just drop it. _I chanted in my head.

"Huh," He murmured, voice laced with a bit of suspicion. "Well, be careful, Zel."

I exhaled the breath I'd been holding.

"So um," I reclaimed my spoon and took a bite of ice cream, _not_ dwelling on the fact that we'd pretty much just shared an indirect kiss. That'd be just _juvenile._ "What do you think of Sheik so far?"

Link shrugged and crossed his arms. "Seems like an okay guy. He tends to get nervous in front of crowds though." He chuckled, probably remembering what'd happened just under an hour ago.

I ducked my head and flushed deeply, praying he didn't notice. Forcing a laugh, I looked up again. "He hasn't caused any trouble, has he?"

Link shook his head. "Not at all. However," He cut eyes to Ike, who was currently trying to steal a bite off of Samus' triple-chocolate ice cream cone. "_Someone_ has been trying stir up trouble with Sheik."

"Hey!" Ike said defensively. "I was going to try to apologize today, but that Samuel guy dragged him out of the room before I had the chance."

Samus smacked him. "Ass. You shouldn't pick on the newbies."

"Yeah, whatever." The blue-haired mercenary rolled his eyes. "That reminds me; Zelda? Are you dating that Sheik guy or what? Wolf said he smelled exactly like you."

The atmosphere became heavy with anticipation as the question sunk in.

I finally found my voice. "Is that what Sheik told you? That he and I were dating?" I asked, forcing a light laugh. "No. We're only friends, Sheik and I." That last comment was directed more to Link than anyone else.

"That's good." Roy said, nodding as a grin appeared on his lips. "'Cause I don't think Link was too happy about having to share…"

"Marth?" Link asked, nodding at Roy.

Marth, who was standing beside the red-haired annoyance, nodded back and smacked Roy in the back of the head.

* * *

"You feel better, Zel?" Samus asked as we were getting ready for bed that night.

I smiled. "Much. At least Link doesn't think I'm a complete friggin moron."

Samus chortled into her hand. "I think he's too nice to think like that."

I shrugged, but still couldn't stop grinning like a fool. "Probably."

"Well, let's hope you can keep that smile for tomorrow." Samus said with a small shrug.

I met her gaze, the smile still present on my face. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Tomorrow is Test Day."

My smile immediately wiped itself from my face.

Tomorrow was Test Day. Tomorrow we'd test to find our ideal fighting partner. Tomorrow I might be paired up with someone who wants nothing more than to see my face, and will have many adequate chances to act upon the impulse.

Shit.

* * *

**Sooo… there's chapter 2. Sorry it took so long, I got really into writing my main story so I kinda hardly touched this one for a few months. Oh and I just wanna say that I've really never played Metroid or Fire Emblem, so I'm only basing the characters off of how they look. My apologies if they're way off of how the characters are really portrayed in their respectable games. I'm more of a Zelda and Mario player myself… so yeah. ^_^**

**Anywho, to the reviewers:**

**sippurp123— heh, sorry I didn't deliver on the whole 'update soon' thing… but I'm glad you like it :)**

**blacksunset1214— I'm happy you're enjoying it! Cool name by the way… **

**WindTalker17— Thank you! I tried really hard to make this humorous, so it's good to know I didn't fail on that aspect :P. **

**A Shadow's Lament— Yeah, I've always liked Sheik too. Badass female ninja? Hell to the YES! I'm glad you like everyone's personalities. I really tried to give everyone their own unique way of speaking and acting, like real life people. I'm happy to hear that I was at least somewhat successful :)! I quite like how Link turned out in this fic too… **

**Kinshula— I'm glad you found it funny :)**

**Bleachshowlover1— huzzah! This story was good enough to make it into someone's favourites! **

**burning book— will do!**

**Zekiev Clayton— haha, I apologize for making your head explode. Decapation through overuse of awesomesauce was not my intention, I assure you :P. I'm glad you friggin loved the frak out of this!**

**OpenOtaku— Hehe, I'll try to get more chapters out soon :D Glad you liked it!**

**Thanks to you friggin awesome readers and reviewers for your support (Hope you're still there after all this time…) And thank you to the anonymous reviews I got as well! It's all very much appreciated :)**

**Review if you're feelin' awesome!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Aaaaand we're back!**

**The response to last chapter was really nice, and I'm glad to see I haven't lost everyone :)**

* * *

**Chapter 3 **

"Hey," Someone said as I felt something bounce off my nose, jerking me out of a deep sleep.

"Mmm?" I mumbled, stretching stiffly without opening my eyes.

"Get up." The deep, mechanical voice of Samuel snapped. "Test day starts in less than an hour."

My eyes shot open, and I sat ramrod-straight in bed. "Why didn't my alarm go off?!" I exclaimed, looking to my bedside table.

The little table was empty aside from my Sheikian mask and gloves. Confused, I scanned the room for the small, mechanical clock that was given to every Smasher when they moved in.

"My alarm is M.I.A." I realized.

"I noticed." Samuel answered. "Get dressed."

"But where did it go?" I wondered out loud, meanwhile hastily sliding out of bed.

"We'll find out later then, won't we?"

"You don't think someone would've… taken it, do you?" I asked.

"Why would they?" Samuel asked, doubtfully.

I threw up my arms in exasperation. "How in Sacred Realm would I know? Ask the twisted mind who came up with it!"

Samuel regarded me dryly from underneath her helmet.

"Nevermind." I decided, stomping over to my dresser and yanking it open.

* * *

"Listen up!" I called as we entered the noisy lounge.

No one listened and continued watching TV or talking.

"Hey!" I tried again. "I have something to say!"

Again, I was ignored.

Annoyed, Samuel launched a tiny missile at the bit of space above the TV, effectively gaining everyone's attention.

I patted her metal shoulder-blade. "A bit much, but thank you."

I raised my voice again. "Which one of you took my alarm clock?" I asked, letting some of my irritation enter my voice. "I know someone did. If you own up, I promise I won't hold it against you." _That much._

"Oh, that was me." A deep voice answered.

I scanned the room for the source of the voice, and came out unsuccessful.

"Down here." The voice muttered as I felt a sharp jab to my leg.

I jumped back and looked down to find Meta Knight standing at my feet, having stabbed me in the calf to gain my attention.

"Why did you take my clock?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"I was bored and felt like dissecting something mechanical." The armour-clad puff ball said. "I wasn't going to dissect _my _clock."

I bit back a rude comment. "Why not?"

He shrugged—well, he made a gesture that _could've _been a shrug. He didn't have any shoulders, so it was difficult to tell. "I needed it."

"So did Sheik!" Samuel snapped next to me.

The shoulder-less ball made that shrugging gesture again. "Doesn't affect me."

Oh, I could wring his neck if he had any type of neck to wring.

"By the way," Meta Knight said. "You sleep like a mummy; all wrapped up from head to toe. It's weird."

I closed my eyes and pinched my brow, rage boiling in my veins.

One Chuchu… Two Chuchu…_ Really? Just, REALLY? … _Three Chuchu… Four Chuchu… _Does he realize how much harder he's made my life? _… Five Chuchu… Six Chuchu… _Does he even __**care? **_…Seven Chuchu… Eight Chuchu…_ If this keeps up, I swear I'm moving out of this Goddess-forsaken place…_ Nine Chuchu… Ten Chuchu… _Okay, this counting thing doesn't do a damn thing. _

I was still annoyed, but I forced a sickly-sweet smile onto my lips. "Well, I don't feel it's any of your concern how I sleep."

Again, with that shrugging gesture. The armour-clad ball of… something trotted off, apparently finished with this conversation.

"Calm down, Sheiky…" I muttered to myself. "Just. Calm. Down."

"Hey!" Someone yelled, shocking me from my internal rage. It was Pit, as he burst through the door. "Master Hand wants everyone in the practice arena pronto!"

"Why?" Snake inquired in a gruff grunt. "Test day won't be for another forty-five minutes."

"No, no! Not that!" Pit hopped a little, as if he desperately had to go potty. "He says he has a special announcement!" I swear, everything the kid says ends with an exclamation point.

Falco scoffed, disinterested. "So?"

"_So, _he said it was about some newcomers!" Pit exclaimed, waving his arms around madly. "Female ones!"

At that, nearly everyone in the room stood up like a lightning bolt had struck their behinds.

"Female ones, huh?" Captain Falcon repeated, a sly smile that I desperately wanted to smack off appearing on his face.

And I might've, had I been Zelda right now. Since I wasn't, doing so would only make Sheik look virtually insane.

"Onward!" Pit proclaimed proudly, shoving through the lounge door, as everyone trailed after him, intrigued.

Sam and I walked at the end of the long trail of male Smashers, behind Wolf and Wario, who were engaged in a rather _irritating _conversation.

"Wonder if they're hot?" Wolf mused.

Wario cackled in that annoying laugh of his. "Har har! Wonder if they'll be able to make up for what we've lost this year, huh?" He elbowed the canine.

"It'll be tough," Wolf said, nodding. "I mean, Samus' got one tight little bod."

Sam stiffened next to me, anger radiating off of her in waves, even from inside her suit. The two carried on, blissfully oblivious of the two very, _very _irritated females behind them.

"Don't I know it." Wario agreed. "Bet that elegance thing Zelda has go'in on is all an act." He smiled wickedly. "Bet she's frustrated on the inside, like a time bomb ready to explode."

I wrinkled my nose, revolted and appalled. And pissed.

"Man, what I wouldn't give to get 'summa that." Wolf continued. "Both at once."

"That'd be…" Wario grinned. "…sweet."

I contemplated whether I'd stab or strangle them—both seemed like such good options. I might've acted on it too, if the two didn't stop dead in their tracks, jarring me from my murderous thoughts. Sam and I skidded to a stop, nearly crashing into them.

Both of them had blades pointed precariously at their throats; Wolf with a gold one, Wario with a shiny silver one.

I followed my gaze up the length of the sword, stopping at the perfect Triforce mark that was perfectly etched into the base of the blade, and it was all I could do to keep a large goofy grin off of my lips.

"Tell me," Link growled, glaring down at the little man in the biker gear, his blue eyes angry slits. "Do you enjoy breathing?"

"Aw, comm'on, Link." Wario protested, nervously leaning away from the blade pressed to his neck. "You know I was only kidding. I wouldn't do nothing ta your princess, you know that." He laughed as if what he'd said was even remotely funny.

"You better not even _speak _about her like that again, or next time I won't hesitate." Link withdrew his blade. And man, if looks could kill, I was fairly certain Wario would be a mass of bloody pulp by now.

The biker and the wolf—having been told off by Ike— raced off, muttering things indignantly under their breaths. Smart moves on their part, especially since everyone knew the 'no killing' policy at Smash Mansion only applied in the ring.

"Assholes." Ike muttered, sheathing his sword.

Next to me, Sam seemed shocked, even a bit touched by his actions. I knew Link's actions had certainly touched me.

"Some people are so…" Link trailed off, shaking his head and sheathing the Master Sword behind him.

I could've kissed him, right then and there, thanks to the almost uncontrollable surge of affection I suddenly felt toward him. However, he might question Sheik's sexual preferences if I had, and that was some attention that was unwelcome to me.

The two swordsmen exchanged looks of annoyance, then turned their gazes to me and Sam. Ike nodded at me.

"I would like to formally apologize for my behavior on your first day here, Sheik." His voice resonated sarcasm.

Link elbowed him, fixing him with a look. Ike sighed.

"Ow." Ike muttered, rubbing his arm. "Yeah, seriously though. I really am sorry. I acted like an ass."

I waved it off, mostly because I was growing more curious about the new female Smashers. "It's fine." Do guys wave things off? I hoped so.

With that, both boys nodded and let us pass.

* * *

We were all gathered in the arena, everyone's curious murmurs bouncing off the padded walls.

"Sheiky! Sammy!" Peach called out among the small crowd of people that was the Smashers. Her pink dress stuck out immensely among everyone else's muted colours, as she wove her way in and out of the clusters of people.

"Peach." Sam said, a warning in her voice. "Careful with those nicknames!"

Peach rolled her eyes. "Um, I was, silly. Your name's Samuel, so Sammy's a perfectly acceptable nickname."

I stared at the Princess of Toadstools, impressed. "Is that why you insisted on that name for Sam?" I asked, lowering my voice so only they could hear.

Peach nodded, her springy blond hair bouncing around her shoulders. "Uh-huh."

There was a loud throat clearing-sound at the head of the room, commanding our attention.

Headmaster Hand, um, floated into the middle of the room, two girls trailing off behind him.

One was tall and tanned, with dark hair that was pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her eyes were sharp and violet-coloured, her face and features narrow and striking. She wore no makeup at all, and wore a tight body suit. She carried herself similarly to how Sam does, that being: Don't hit on me or I'll punch a hole through your face.

The girl next to her was smaller and more delicate, falling closer to the elegant category. She had long, red hair falling in loose curls to her hips and emerald eyes that were even more vivid than the real emerald that was embedded into her circlet. She could've been wearing makeup, but I couldn't tell. Maybe she was just naturally pretty.

And that's when it hit me. The suit, the circlet, the attitudes; these girls were clones of Samus and I.

Sam nudged me with her elbow. Evidently, she'd come to the same conclusion.

Peach grabbed my arm, her expression awed and a little nervous. "Zel-uh… Sheiky, is it just me or do they remind you of—?"

Headmaster Hand cleared his throat (Wait, does he even _possess_ a throat?) again. A hush went through the crowd.

"Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, since Zelda and Samus were suspended from the Smash tournament, many of the fans have been upset. Especially the female ones who would like to see more female fighters."

The two girls stepped forward.

"To compensate for this year, I've hired two more fighters to fill the ranks and hopefully satisfy the fans until Zelda and Samus may return to us."

Master Hand gestured to the Samus-clone. "Firstly, I'd like to introduce to you Alaxis Suta."

Alaxis nodded in greeting to everyone. "Hey. Call me Alax or I'll feed you your own esophagus." She made a fist and bared her teeth.

"Tell everyone about yourself, Alaxis." Master Hand rushed to say.

Alax cleared her throat and crossed her arms, staring down at everyone with a predatory glint in her violet eyes. "I'm a space mercenary and I'll kick your ass. That's all."

"A space mercenary?" Samus muttered next to me. "Sounds like a bounty hunter knock-off."

I could tell Samus was feeling bitter about practically being replaced. I'd be lying if I were to say I wasn't a tad as well.

Master Hand cleared his throat, laughing nervously. "That's… er, enough, Alaxis."

Alax grinned and stepped back, allowing my clone to step forward.

"And this is Harlea Zarialynn."

Harlea gave a delicate wave and crossed her arms, looking disinterested with us all. She may as well have yawned, for all the energy she was giving us.

We stood in silence as Master Hand waited for Harlea to say something about herself. She didn't.

Again, Master Hand cleared his throat. "Tell us something about yourself, Harlea."

Harlea sighed as if it were some big hassle and scanned the crowd. "I'm Princess Harlea of Holodrum. Yes, I do live in a palace and to be frank," she paused, tossing her red mane over her shoulder. "I'd _much _rather be there right now."

A hushed murmur went through the crowd of Smashers. More than once I heard, _"Reminds me of Zelda."_ which I took a little offense to. I wasn't _that_ snotty.

Master Hand was probably unsure what to say at this point. Not that I could read the emotions of a floating hand. "Er… thank you, Harlea." He said, seeming to gather his (Hand?) bearings. "Now, I expect that Alaxis and Harlea will be treated with the utmost respect, understood?"

There was a collective murmur of agreement. Apparently, that was enough for Master Hand, because he floated off, looking satisfied.

"Let's go meet them!" Peach said, tugging me over to where the two girls stood.

I didn't really want to meet them; especially not Harlea. I didn't want to meet the person who was going to take my place as if I wasn't even gone. But none the less, I let Peach pull me over to the new fighters.

"Hi!" Peach squealed, dropping my arm to wave fervently at the girls. She stuck out a hand. "I'm Peach, Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Harlea regarded her with a dry expression, but Alax shook her hand, grunting, "How're you doing?"

"These are my two best, _best_ friends," Peach said, turning around to gesture to Sam and I. "Samuel and Sheik!"

Sam nodded at the girls, not saying anything. I did the same, feeling unbearably awkward in this forced conversation.

Peach kept on talking though, pointing out all the guys and naming each of them off. About halfway through her list, Harlea cut her off.

"Would you stop being so perky?" She asked in a snide tone. "You're giving me a headache, like, really." Harlea rubbed her temples.

Peach blinked, her full lips quivering.

I glared at the red-haired princess. That. Isn't. Right. Talking to Peach like that was like kicking an excited puppy; horribly cruel and unnecessary.

"Excuse you?" Samus snapped. "You wanna say that again, bitch?"

"No, excuse _you." _Alax snapped back, coming to Harlea's defense.

"This has nothing to do with you, space mercenary." Samus said, taking a threatening step toward Alax.

"The hell it doesn't, gear head!" Alax shot back, also taking a step toward Samus.

"Bring it, you inflate-a-boob bitch!" Samus retorted, just before someone grabbed a hold of her armor-clad wrist and yanked her back.

"Oi, cool it, Samuel." Ike said, stopping her from pouncing on Alax right then and there. "Try not to kill the newbies. We just got them remember?"

"Let me go, you blue-haired pretty-boy!" Samus growled, baring her teeth at Ike.

"Like hell." He replied, catching her other wrist. "You've got a temper that's almost as bad as Sam's."

"Ooh, bromance." Alax sniggered.

Both Ike and Sam went completely still for a moment. Then the two of them started snapping like rabid dogs at the amused space mercenary, yelling out threats and promising extreme pain.

It seemed the two of them were ready to pounce, when a sudden gust of wind startled both of them out of their blind rage.

Link casually walked up, tucking away his gale boomerang into his pouch. "Ike, I thought you were going to break up the fight, not join it." He raised an eyebrow in Ike's direction.

The ever-bored Harlea suddenly perked up, folding her hands in front of her.

"I was going to," Ike protested. "But she said we were having a bromance!" He pointed to Alax, who was grinning with satisfaction.

Link rolled his eyes. "They're just words, moron. Ignore them."

Then Harlea did something I wasn't sure her face had the capability to do. She smiled. At Link.

I resisted the ridiculously strong urge to grab his hand and declare "Dibs!", then drag him somewhere where Harlea couldn't lay her greasy, manicured fingers on him.

I grabbed hold of Peach—who was still pouting—and Samus, and dragged them both away from the newcomers, Ike and Link following closely behind.

"The one in green interests me," I heard Harlea say to Alax when she though we couldn't hear. "Maybe this place won't be so bad after all."

Okay. That settles it.

That bitch is going down to the Sacred Realm even if I have to drag her ginger ass there myself.

* * *

**Not quite as long a wait as last time, but still… I apologize for my incompetence. **

**By the way, I can't reply to everyone this time (Sorry!) I just got so many lovely reviews! **

**Onto le reviews:**

**Bleachshowlover1—Ha! I liked that part too! I'm glad someone else enjoyed it besides the writer. :P**

**burning book—Thanks for the idea! As you can see, I kinda took my own spin on it. Also, I am happy to have contributed to your happiness. :) **

**Zekiev Clayton—Oh shit! I'm sorry about obliterating your skull again! Here, take this chapter to make it better!**

**Sippurp123—Yeah, this story is still alive and kick'n! I vow to never give up on a story that people have enjoyed, so it's here to stay. :)**

**Ortholeine—I'm glad you like it and can look past my… language. I'm kinda a little potty mouth sometimes. XD**

**A Shadow's Lament—Hehe, maybe she broke her Triforce when she tripped in the dining room too? And ****_phew!_**** I'm glad I'm doing okay with everyone's personality! **

**No pressure but, leave a review… you know, if you wanna. **


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